Are You Giving Your Team Enough Room to Lead? I once coached a pastor who had built an incredible church. He was confident, decisive, and a strong directional leader. He knew where he wanted to go and how to get people moving in that direction. And for years, that leadership produced tremendous results. But something wasn't working anymore. The church had grown significantly, yet they were beginning to hit a ceiling. As we dug into his Integrus360 results and what was happening across the organization, a pattern started to emerge. His team didn't know how to make decisions without him. It wasn't necessarily that he was micromanaging everyone. In fact, his ability to provide strong direction had been one of his greatest strengths. But over time, that same strength had created an unintended consequence. He had become the person everyone looked to for answers. And when the leader is always the one with the answers, the team never has to learn how to find them. I remember challenging him with a question: What happens to this organization when you're no longer the one leading it? If everything we've built depends on our ability to make every decision, have we really developed a team that can carry the mission forward? That's one of the reasons I spend so much time coaching leaders around two behaviors measured by the Integrus360: Willingness to Defer and Restraint. They're different behaviors, but both influence whether the people around us have opportunities to contribute, grow, and lead. Your Team Needs Both a Compass and a Campfire The Willingness to Defer dial measures how we collaborate, empower others, and share decision-making authority. Some leaders naturally take charge. Others are more comfortable stepping back and letting the team lead. Both approaches have strengths, and both can create problems when used in the wrong situations. One of the illustrations I use when coaching leaders is the difference between being a compass and being a campfire. A compass provides direction. This kind of leader helps their team understand where they're going, what needs to happen, and how to get there. Some people on your team need that kind of leadership. Maybe they're new to the organization or learning a responsibility they've never handled before. They need clear expectations, guidance, and someone who can help them understand what success looks like. But when you lead your most experienced, capable people the same way, your strength as a directional leader can become a constraint. Those people don't necessarily need you to tell them what to do. They need you to create space for them to contribute. They need you to become the campfire. Instead of providing every answer, campfire leaders gather the team around decisions. They invite perspectives, encourage collaboration, and help others develop solutions. They ask, "What do you think we should do?" And then they actually listen. That part is important because if you don't genuinely want their input, your team will know. Of course, the opposite problem exists too. I've coached highly capable leaders who are so willing to accommodate others that they say yes to responsibilities they should be giving away. They can do the work. They might even do it better than anyone else. But just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Every time we step in to rescue someone from a responsibility they're capable of handling, we may be robbing them of an opportunity to grow. Healthy Willingness to Defer isn't about always stepping back. It's about recognizing when your leadership is needed and when someone else needs room to lead. Someone Once Made Room for My Voice I learned something about this long before I became an executive coach. About 15 years ago, I was an intern sitting in high-level strategic meetings with the founder of the organization. I was the note-taker. I didn't have the experience or knowledge of the other people sitting around that table. Frankly, I was just trying to keep up. But every so often, this leader would turn to me and ask, "Nick, what do you think we should do?" I remember thinking, Why are you asking me? I'm just the intern! But he kept asking. And when I finally offered an idea, he didn't immediately dismiss it. He asked questions. He wanted me to explain my thinking. He gave my ideas room to develop. Now, let me be clear. Most of those ideas were terrible, and we didn't implement any of them. But something important was happening. He was helping me discover my voice. He understood that developing a leader isn't simply about getting the best answer in the moment. It's about helping someone become capable of contributing better answers in the future. Fifteen years later, I can still see the impact of those conversations. He was practicing Willingness to Defer by making room for my contribution, and in doing so, he was helping me develop the confidence to speak up. Not everyone gets a vote in every decision, but he taught me that everyone should have a voice. And when healthy leaders make room for those voices, they develop something far more valuable than a team that simply follows instructions. They develop people who can think for themselves and lead others. Are You Listening, or Just Waiting to Respond? Now, let's talk about the other side of this conversation. Where Willingness to Defer influences how we invite others to contribute, Restraint influences how we filter and communicate our own thoughts. Some leaders have a thin filter. They think something, and they say it. They're quick to share opinions, challenge ideas, and react to what's happening around them. That can bring energy, honesty, and momentum to a team. But without intentional restraint, those same behaviors can shut down the people around them. I've coached leaders who were so quick to speak that their teams rarely had a chance to contribute. Over time, this behavior communicates to others that their contribution is not needed or worse, not valuable. One of the simplest adjustments I've challenged a leader to make was to stop being the first person to speak in meetings. Instead, I encouraged him to wait until at least two other people had spoken. It sounds like such a small thing, doesn't it? But when the strongest voice in the room stops going first, other people begin sharing ideas, thinking through solutions, and developing confidence in their contributions. We have a phrase we use with strong directional leaders: Listen without loading your gun. This means that you should not spend the entire time someone is talking preparing to shoot down their idea. Instead, listen to understand, and pay attention to what your body language communicates. Your team can usually tell when you've already decided their idea isn't going anywhere. We're not always as good at controlling our faces as we think we are! As a leader, sometimes the greatest contribution you can make to a conversation is to create room for someone else's contribution. Restraint Doesn't Always Mean Saying Less Now, there's another side to this. Some leaders have such a thick filter that they hold on to their thoughts far too long. They process, reconsider, refine, and process some more. Sometimes they're afraid of getting something wrong. Other times, they're detail-oriented people who want their thoughts fully developed before sharing them. The trouble is, while they're working toward the perfect response, the opportunity to contribute may be passing them by. I've coached leaders who had valuable insights but wouldn't share them until the meeting was over. Or they'd wait until they could speak privately with someone, only to discover the decision had already been made. I've encouraged those leaders to get version one of their thinking out into the room. Your ideas don't have to be perfectly formed to be valuable. But there's another way excessive Restraint can hurt your leadership, and I think it's even more costly. It can keep you from having hard conversations that need to happen. Maybe someone on your team isn't meeting expectations. You know you need to address it, but you start talking yourself out of it. Maybe I'm being too critical. It's really not that big of a deal. They've got a lot going on right now. I'll give it another week and see if things improve. We can become incredibly good at justifying our silence, especially when the alternative is an uncomfortable conversation. And sometimes we convince ourselves that withholding difficult feedback is the kinder response. But what happens when the problem continues? When expectations remain unclear? When frustration builds and eventually spills out in a way that's far more damaging than an honest conversation would have been? We're not actually helping anyone by avoiding what needs to be said. True kindness isn't avoiding difficult conversations. It's caring enough to have them with honesty and respect. Healthy Restraint isn't simply about developing a stronger or thinner filter. It's about learning when to pause, when to speak, and how to communicate in a way that helps people move forward. Small Adjustments Can Change What Your Team Experiences You don't have to completely change your personality to become a healthier leader. Sometimes growth begins with a small, intentional adjustment. Maybe it's asking a capable teammate what they recommend instead of immediately providing the answer. Maybe it's giving someone the authority to make a decision without your approval. Maybe it's waiting until two other people have spoken before sharing your opinion. Maybe it's speaking up, even when your idea isn't fully developed. Or maybe it's finally having that difficult conversation you've been avoiding. These behaviors matter even more when the pressure is high. Under stress, some leaders take control of everything. Others avoid making decisions. Some speak without thinking, while others withdraw, avoid conflict, or keep everything bottled up until it eventually spills out. None of these responses consistently gives your team what it needs. Healthy leadership requires us to recognize our natural tendencies and intentionally choose a response that serves the people we're leading. Willingness to Defer is about knowing when to provide direction and when to give others room to lead. Restraint is about knowing when to speak, when to listen, and how to communicate with intention. Both require humility. Both require practice. And both have consequences that extend far beyond us. Because I believe deeply that personal growth is never just personal. When we grow as leaders, the people around us experience the benefits. And when we neglect our growth, they experience the consequences. Think about that for a moment. If we're always making the decisions, our teams may never develop the confidence to make their own. If we're always the first to speak, we may never hear the great ideas others have to offer. And if we consistently avoid saying what needs to be said, we leave people without the honesty and clarity they need to succeed. The goal of leadership isn't to become the person everyone depends on for every answer. It's to develop people who can think, contribute, make decisions, and lead with confidence. Sometimes that means stepping forward. Sometimes it means stepping aside. Sometimes it means speaking up. Sometimes it means listening. The more intentional we become about making those choices, the more room we create for the people around us to grow. And isn't that what healthy leadership is all about? Nick Gardner Executive Coach Integrus Leadership  Start Practicing Healthier Leadership Today It's one thing to recognize where your leadership could be healthier. It's another to know what to do differently the next time you're in the middle of a challenging situation. That's why we've created two free resources to help you turn these ideas into practical leadership habits. Do you struggle to know when to step in and when to step back? Maybe you're naturally decisive and find yourself providing answers before others have a chance to contribute. Or maybe you're so committed to giving people freedom that you sometimes leave them without the direction they need. The Compass & Campfire Leadership Guide will help you recognize when your team needs clear direction and when they need more room to contribute, make decisions, and grow. Download the Free Compass & Campfire Leadership Guide → Do you ever wish you could take back something you said—or regret something you didn't? Maybe you respond too quickly when you're frustrated. Or perhaps you spend so much time processing your thoughts that you miss opportunities to speak up or address something important. The Leadership Response Filter gives you four practical questions to help you think intentionally, choose your timing, and communicate constructively. Download the Free Leadership Response Filter → You don't have to overhaul your leadership overnight. Start with one behavior, practice it intentionally, and pay attention to how it changes the way you lead. Small adjustments, practiced consistently, can make a meaningful difference in the people you lead.

When Change Hits, Know What to Hold and What to Let Flex Need for Variety hits pretty close to home for me. When I completed my own Integrus360, this was one of those dials where I looked at the results and thought, I don’t know that I love that. Not because the data was wrong. Because I could see it. And once I saw it, I could think of plenty of moments when other people had probably seen it too. Need for Variety can be a little misleading at first. It isn’t measuring whether you like trying new restaurants, rearranging the furniture, or looking for a new adventure every weekend. The Need for Variety dial measures your response to change. When the plan changes, how do you react? When something unexpected gets dropped into your day, what happens in your face, your tone, and your body? When the circumstances you thought you could control suddenly aren’t under your control anymore, what does everybody around you experience? That’s what makes this dial so important for leaders. Change is going to happen. The question is what our behavior communicates when it does. I Like A Good Plan For a lot of my leadership life, I’ve been the guy who appreciates clarity, consistency, systems, and a well-executed plan. Those are good things. At least until I start believing the plan itself is the thing I’m supposed to protect. Years ago, I was helping oversee an event with some well-known worship artists. We had promoted that the event would end at a particular time. Our staff needed to clean the facility afterward and turn everything around for Sunday morning. There was a plan. And then the artists kept playing. And playing. And playing. They were comfortable responding to what was happening in the room—God was doing something special. Meanwhile, I was watching the clock and thinking about the staff waiting to clean, the schedule we had communicated, transportation, overtime, and every other ripple effect. My concerns weren’t imaginary. Those things really mattered. But my initial reaction also showed me something about myself. My instinct was to grab harder for structure because the circumstances had changed and now required a change to the plan. I eventually had to recognize that I could address the legitimate consequences without requiring everything to happen exactly the way I had pictured it. I needed to help our team adapt while still bringing enough structure to the situation to serve people well. That distinction has become really important to me. Both Ends of the Dial Bring Something Valuable There is nothing inherently wrong with a lower Need for Variety. Just like there is nothing inherently wrong with a higher Need for Variety. A leader with a lower Need for Variety can bring consistency, discipline, thoughtful processing, and the ability to protect a good system from being abandoned too quickly. A leader with a higher Need for Variety may bring curiosity, innovation, momentum, and the ability to see opportunity when everyone else is staring at the disruption. We need both. The challenge comes when our natural response becomes our only response. When pressure increases, a leader who naturally wants structure may dig in. We start asking, “What’s the policy? What’s the procedure? What did we already decide?” Sometimes that’s exactly the question that needs to be asked. But sometimes what we are really saying is, “Please make this feel predictable again.” On the other side of this dial, a leader who is energized by change can see the same disruption and immediately think, “New world. New opportunity. Let’s go.” That can be catalytic. It can also cause a team to abandon useful processes, move before people are ready, or continually chase the next idea without executing the last one well. The goal isn’t to become a person who always embraces change. And it isn’t to become a person who always protects the plan. The goal is to learn the appropriate balance between rigidity and flexibility is for each situation. The Question Isn’t Simply, “Should We Change?” I think leaders often get themselves into trouble because we treat an entire decision as though it belongs in one bucket. It’s either, “We can’t change this,” or, “Everything is on the table.” But most real leadership decisions are more complicated than that. There are usually parts of the decision that absolutely need to remain fixed, there are parts we feel strongly about but could change, and then there are probably some details that don’t deserve nearly as much of our energy as we’re giving them. That’s why it's not helpful to ask questions like: What was the original plan? What do I prefer? What worked last time? The more useful que stions we can learn to ask are: What actually needs to remain true? What are my "wants" that are not critical to the mission? What will ultimately make no serious impact on the outcome? These questions help us start separating principles from preferences. What is Actually Nonnegotiable? Some things deserve a firm grip: your mission, your values, safety, and integrity. Some financial boundaries matter. Some commitments matter. Sometimes a deadline really is a deadline. Healthy flexibility does not mean treating everything like it is optional. In fact, leaders with a naturally high Need for Variety may need to be especially deliberate here. Because when a new opportunity appears, it can be easy to become excited about what could happen without first asking what must remain true. One leader I coached is naturally much more comfortable acting first. When his organization needed a new facility, he had an opportunity to grow his leadership. He believed wholeheartedly that he could have found a building he liked and simply said, “We’ll figure out how to make it work.” Instead, he slowed the process down. He brought other people around a whiteboard. He invited feedback. He let them help him process several possibilities before he made the decision. Together, they decided what was nonnegotiable and what was flexible. He didn’t stop being an innovative, action-oriented leader. He added enough structure to his strength of flexibility that his team could trust where he was taking them. But Is It Essential—or Do I Just Really Like It? This is probably the area where those of us who have a lower need for variety get tripped up and have some work to do. There is a big difference between a principle (nonnegotiable) and a preference (flexible). And if we don't slow down enough to really consider the decision, preferences have a funny way of becoming policies. We have a preferred process. A preferred timeline. A preferred vendor. A preferred way of running the meeting. A preferred order for how things should happen. Maybe it really is the best option. But is it essential? That question can be uncomfortable because familiarity often feels a lot like wisdom. Sometimes we have done something the same way for years because it really is a great system. Sometimes we have done it that way for years because...we have done it that way for years. Those aren't the same thing. Preferences are things that matter—they may even be important—but changing them would not prevent us from accomplishing the real purpose of the decision. For a lower Need for Variety leader, this may be the most important category on the page because it gives us somewhere to put the things we care about without pretending they are untouchable. If that's you, this is an area where you can earn great credibility and influence with your team by conceding and letting them own some of these decisions. Some things really can flex Then there are the details where more than one healthy answer exists. The decision can be delegated. The process can change. The original plan can be tested and adjusted. Someone closer to the work might actually have a better idea. Circumstances may have changed enough that the plan we created six months ago is no longer the best path forward. Flexibility doesn’t mean those details are meaningless. It simply means we don’t have to control every one of them to protect the outcome. I once coached a production leader whose instinct was similar to mine. When something disrupted the plan, you could see the tension. But he also had experience doing improv comedy. So I reminded him of one of the basic disciplines of improv: receive what has been given to you before you shut it down. Instead of immediately listing the reasons the unexpected change couldn’t work, he stepped into flexibility first. The unexpected thing happened. He received it. Then he worked with what was actually in front of him. His environment became less stressful, and he became a better teammate—not because he stopped caring about excellent execution, but because he stopped needing every detail to stay under his control. Your team feels your response to change This is ultimately why Need for Variety matters: it affects trust. If my behavior is constantly unpredictable, my team eventually learns to wait before buying into anything. They don't know whether today's direction will still be the direction next week. On the other hand, if every change has to fight its way through my resistance, the team learns something, too. They may stop bringing ideas. They may become reluctant to raise opportunities. They may conclude that changing a plan simply requires too much energy. That kind of rigidity becomes its own form of organizational red tape. Healthy leadership requires us to flex. The higher you move in leadership, the more likely it is that two situations in the same day will require very different responses from you. One decision may require you to protect the boundary. The next may require you to get out of the way. The skill is knowing which is which. Shawn Maurer Executive Coach Integrus Leadership Hold firmly to what matters. Hold loosely to what doesn’t. That's why we created The Change Decision Filter . It's a simple tool designed to help you take a current decision, change, problem, or opportunity and sort its individual pieces into three categories: Non-Negotiable: What must remain true? Preferable: What would I like to preserve? Flexible: What can change? The goal isn't to convince you to embrace more change or resist more change. It's to help you bring the right amount of structure to the decision in front of you. Sometimes leadership requires a firm grip, and sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is loosen it. Download The Change Decision Filter and use it with a decision you're facing right now. You may discover that some of the things you've been protecting aren't actually the things that matter most.